The Ugly Fork

by Budly

So you've owned your computer just shy of a bazillion years. It has all your music and photos and email and the stuff that the kids should not see.

... and the old box is starting to run really, really, really, really ssssslow...

... or it got a virus from one of THOSE web sites. . .

... or you got a BSOD (blue screen of death) system error...

... and so you have hit that ugly fork in the road.

Do you invest time and money in resurrecting the old machine? Or do you invest time and money in setting up a new one?

The unfortunate answer that everyone dreads from their computer technician is, "Well, it’s difficult to say."

Here are a few guidelines:

Ssslllooowww

Just like with a car, people who spend time on their computer can get a feeling that something is not running right. With a car, it is usually a clanking noise or seeing smoke. With a computer it is usually how far the sweep second hand of your watch has traveled before something happens. If you see smoke come out of your computer, pull the electrical plug out of the wall and run away.

There are several ways to fix a slow computer.

Add RAM - Random Access Memory (RAM) is like the countertop in your kitchen. The more you have, the easier it is to work. The less you have, the longer it takes to get work done. At the website memoryx.com, there is a free download that will tell you all about your computer's RAM - how much you have, if there is room to add or options for replacing what you've got.

Adding RAM to you computer isn't much harder than adding windshield washer fluid to your car. You don't want to break the cap that covers the tank or pour the liquid all over the engine.

With RAM, watch for the locks that hold the bars in place and the pins the RAM bars seat into. Most importantly, since there are many types of RAM, if the square peg does not fit in the round hole - and your bar of RAM does not align correctly, DO NOT bang harder.

Scanning - This is an overnight activity. Otherwise you will spend a lot of time watching a slider bar. Scanning is the result of a software problem - a downloaded virus or spyware. Programs like AVG, Symantec or McAfee address potential virus problems. Spybot and Ad-Aware find and remove spyware.

Scanning is the largest time investment you can put into your old computer. . . and depending on the age of the machine, the results may not be worth the investment. Sometimes scanning finds and fixes your computer's problem. Other times, finding the problem then requires finding a specific software "tool" to remove the problem - more time invested - and then no guaranty of a positive (repaired computer) outcome.

Defragmenting - If you kept your kitchen cutlery in your attic, and your pots and pans in your living room and your spatulas in your basement, it would be very inconvenient and take a very long time to make dinner in your kitchen. In the same vein, defragmenting your computer's
hard drive gathers all of your programs and data into contiguous order making the "seek" time shorter and your PC run faster. You can find the "official" Windows XP defragmenter at:

Start » Programs » Accessories » System Tools

Or you can try Smart Defrag at www.iobit.com/iobitsmartdefrag.html

Registry cleaning - The registry is the database of everything on your computer, and therefore an accumulator of lots of software "junk" - old entries, updated entries, corrupt entries, you name it. If it has been on your computer, it's been in your registry. So just like you need to vacuum your house and take out the garbage or it gets to be a pretty smegly place to live, you computer's registry should be cleaned. This work is not for the faint of heart because if something goes awry, your could be looking at your new door stop. For the adventurous, Glary Utilities - a free download from glarysoft.com - works well. Another winner from iobit - and also free - is Advanced WindowsCare Personal. However, also be familiar with Start » All
Programs » Accessories » System Restore. Tinkering with the registry is strong juju, so be brave, but be careful.

Deleting programs - If you have owned your sick computer for a long time, you've probably installed many programs. . . and then forgotten about using them. This bloats your operating system - the software that wakes up and "runs" the computer. Just like taking a few pounds
off your waist makes you feel spryer, removing unused software applications from your computer makes it work better.

Replacing - Although this may be the most tedious and (possibly) costly solution, replacing the old war horse with a new machine is also the most rewarding and long-term way to resolve the finicky computer issue. Naturally there is work to installing all of the programs - like Microsoft
Office, Firefox and Adobe Acrobat - you were using, however the nail-biting revolves around all the letters, emails, pictures and STUFF you accumulated. Moving (finding) all of that and getting it to the new machine can be challenging.

And taking a detour on new machines, Tigerdirect.com sells refurbished PC's with a 1 year warranty with Windows XP Pro already installed for around $250.00. plus shipping.

Fortunately, Windows has a neat feature built into it called the Files and Settings Transfer Wizard, and believe it or not, if you put your STUFF where Microsoft recommended, the Files and Settings Transfer Wizard really does work.

Undoubtedly there is someone out there in reader-land indignantly saying, "And just where does Microsoft recommend I put my STUFF?

Well. . .

The My Documents folder is there for a reason - YOUR (My) Documents (duh!). Use it!

That is unless, of course, you thought you were going to be smarter than all of Microsoft and Bill Gates, and put it elsewhere.

In which case, good luck, and you're on your own.